Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize