im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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