Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
