He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
