Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
