Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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