You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What a dumb baby whore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
