we have officially lost it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
