if you like me you must not know who I am
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
