i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
