The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
