dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
