I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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