Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
