dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
