if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
