You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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