I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she smelled like a LAN party
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
