she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
