i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
