I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
