It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
