my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
