I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
