did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
