I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Randomize
