I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
