my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize