Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
