My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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