Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
