Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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