ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
