He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
