I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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