$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
