So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would ride that face into the sunset
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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