I got chris browned last night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
