my mouth tastes like poor choices
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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