All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
