a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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