I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
