There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So much rum. So many feels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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