So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I believe in your delicious
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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