i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there is puke in my bra ... again
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