I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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