hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
