Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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