Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
