couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize