You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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