So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
