haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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