I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize