It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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