Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
