i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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