I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize