So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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