You can't special order awesome
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
