Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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