that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
