never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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