Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
