Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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