two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
