Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
