whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
