Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
