Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
