New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
