And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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