real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
did i just pee glitter
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
