I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this beer tastes like vomit already
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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