i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
