I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize