you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
