dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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