Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
