3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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