jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I AM VODKA MAN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
