I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
