i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
