i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
