Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
