i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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