Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
