her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
