it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize