I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
