Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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