You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
