we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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