Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
