He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
