He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
