Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
