My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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