considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
