after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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