Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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