I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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