I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
