My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
