Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
