dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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