well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
