Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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