It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
