do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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