I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
