It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fill condoms, not promises.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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