So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
