I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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