You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
