Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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