Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
