you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
