I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize