I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
