wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize