I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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