I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
