you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
