No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
